Joke Jams - Volume I

by Stephen Spinola

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about

This is THE OFFICIAL Open Mic Hype Album of the millennium. All of these songs are parodies that are designed to get you hyped to go out and get shat on at comedy open mics anywhere, but especially in NYC! I'm here for you guys. You are all warriors! This it the hype album you deserve! These are the hottest crowd pumpin' grooves of all time!

credits

released September 23, 2016

Stephen Spinola - Vocals, Production, Concept and lyrics
Evan Jones - Concept and lyrics

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license

all rights reserved

about

Stephen Spinola New York, New York

NY Comedy Legend. @ComedyCentral Content Contributor. HIGHly respected Physicist @ McGill. Former Bassist of Korn. Master of Cum.

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Contact Stephen Spinola

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Track Name: Dope Mic
A dope mic, a dope mic
Creek Bitch, a dope mic

Bunga’s Den, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Standing Room, That’s gonna be a dope mic
The PIT bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
EastVille, That’s gonna be a dope mic
dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
Otto’s Shrunken Head, That’s a dope mic
Dope mic, mic, don't mic, mic
QED, That’s gonna be a dope mic

The Duplex, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Village Lantern, and the PIT mic
We smoke dope, all day, all night
At McSwiggans, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Nah, we got a fucking Audi, that bitch alright,
Lucky Jack’s the shit, That’s that dope mic
host’s a bitch, yeah I done gone ape
Bitch I’m jokin’ and I'm alright
The PIT bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Nah, yo greenwich village, that’s that dope mic
Bitch at QED, fuck who don't like
And we ain't gon' fight, we just gon’ write

Bunga’s Den, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Standing Room, That’s gonna be a dope mic
The PIT bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
EastVille, That’s gonna be a dope mic
dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
Otto’s Shrunken Head, That’s gonna be a dope mic
dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
QED, That’s gonna be a dope mic

Paying dues, That’s gonna be a dope mic
8 Jews, That’s gonna be a dope mic
hate triggers, That’s gonna be a dope mic
talking ass bitch, shit I don't like
I done gotten lighted, well it’s alright
Bet a kid never did run a red light
I keep this shit 3 minutes bitch I keep it tight
When bitches do more time that shit aint right
Comic Strip Live, gonna be a dope mic
more time fuck that’ll take all night
Creek and Cave iiiight, gonna be a dope mic
more time fuck that’ll take all night

Bunga’s Den, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Standing Room, That’s gonna be a dope mic
The PIT bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
EastVille, That’s gonna be a dope mic
dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
Old Man Hustle, That’s gonna be a dope mic
dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
QED, That’s gonna be a dope mic

I'm killing these bitches, that’s that dope mic
Broski got the 3 he ain't tryna fight
Late night PIT, I was in it all night
Metropolitan, that's a fair mic
You aint written shit, you can die tonight
We only want the top, We ain't bein nice
Them youngings with the shits, they be joking right
Joking like a hack, you can fly a kite
3 minutes on the spot, to kill like Sug Knight
Talking shit now is that too soon it might
Kilmat Lounge bitches, that’s a dope mic
Or The Stand NYC, That sick mic

Bunga’s Den, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Standing Room, That’s gonna be a dope mic
The PIT bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
EastVille, That’s gonna be a dope mic
dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
Otto’s Shrunken Head, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Dope mic, mic, don't mic, mic
QED, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
The Creek Bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Dope mic, mic, dope mic, mic
The Creek Bitch, That’s gonna be a dope mic
Track Name: Creek & Cave Basement
Out here like Seinfeld
I’m like what’s the deal?
When all these hacks can make a living

I don't need no money
To prove I'm funny
I will get you people laughing, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Don't cry, don't waste your time
It's only Creek & Cave Basement

Sadly crooked hand
I’m a troubled man
We’re all open micers, so don’t give no cold shoulders

I tell my jokes in here
The happy ones are queer
Let's call some names though before we get much older

Creek & Cave Basement
It's only Creek & Cave Basement
Creek & Cave Basement, oh yeah
Creek & Cave Basement
They're all wasted
Track Name: Workin' On Some Fuckin' Jokes
Turn it up
 Ooh!

Yeah!

I'm working hard, you're working too
We do it every day
We get 3 minutes at the bucket mic
I’ll never pay to play 
Day in, day out, all week long
Things go better with cocks
The only time I turn it down
Is when I'm jerkin’ it off

Working on some fuckin jokes
I need that new shit, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I want material, gimme some more

Now listen

I have a peepee, in my pants
So jerk it off one two three
I feel you beat it, I'm in a trance
No better place to be
Daytime night time, anytime
Things go better with cocks
I'm goin' to four mics a day
I can't seem to stop

Working on some fuckin jokes
I need that new shit, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I want material, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I want material, gimme some more

Working on some fuckin jokes
I need that new shit, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I want material, gimme some more

Working on some fuckin jokes
I need that new shit, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I want that new shit, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I need material, gimme some more
Working on some fuckin jokes
I want material, gimme some more
Track Name: High Open Mic'er
Writing jokes, on the back of a sheet
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back in NYC
Just a man and his will to do mics

So many times they don’t choose my ass
To make cash and go touring
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must mic just to keep them alive

It's the High Open Micer’s
job to kill at the mic
Rising up to tell zingers when my names called
And the last open micer
Talks the day into night
And he's watching us all with the eye - open micer

Ass to face, out in the heat
Not given fucks, staying hungry
They rig the bucket still we take to the Creek
For the kill with the skill to do mics

It's the high open micer
job to kill at the mic
Rising up to tell zingers when my names called
And the last open micer
Talks the day into night
And he's watching us all with the eye - open micer

Rising up, straight and a WAP
Suck my nuts, Fuck your story
Now I’m pissed, and I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to do mics!

It's the high open micer
job to kill at the mic
Rising up to tell zingers when my names called
And the last open micer
talks the day into night
And he's watching us all with the eye - open micer

The high open micer
The high open micer
The high open micer
The high open micer
Track Name: The Open Mic
It's all the same, only the names will change
Everyday, it seems we're wastin' away
Another place where the faces are so cold
I try all night just to tell one joke

I'm a comic, I don’t steal jokes - I write
I’m a comic at the open mic
A comic at the open mic

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days
The people I meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're alone all you do is think

I'm a comic, I don’t steal jokes - I write
I’m a comic (comic) at the open mic
A comic (comic) at the open mic

Oh, and I write

Oh, and I'm a comic, I don’t steal jokes - I write
I’m a comic (comic) at the open mic

I walk these streets
A fat pimple on my back
I play for creeps and try not to be a hack
I been everywhere, still, I'm standing tall
I've seen a million faces
And I've rocked them all

cuz I'm a comic, I don’t steal jokes - I write
I’m a comic at the open mic
I'm a comic, I got the night on my side
I'm a comic, a comic, at the open mic
And I write (and I write) at the open mic
I still drive (I still drive) to the open mic
the open mic, the open mic, the open mic, the open mic
Track Name: Why Do The Mics Always Smell?
Living easy, tight three 
Telling jokes a the open mic
Asking nothing, NYC
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, to the mic
My friends are gonna be there too

Why does the mic always smell?
mic always smell?
mic always smell?
Why does the mic always smell?

No stop signs, small penis
Nobody's gonna slow me down
BUCKET MIC, gonna rig it
Nobody's honest in this town
I’m Stevie, paid my dues
Playing to an empty chair
Hey mama, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land, whoo!

Why does the mic always smell?
mic always smell?
mic always smell?
Why does the mic always smell?

Don't shock me

Why does the mic always smell?
mic always smell?
Why does the mic always smell?
Why does the mic?
Yeah,mic always smell?
Why does the mic always smell?
mic always smell? mic always smell?

And I'm going down
All the way
Whoa!
Why does the mic always smell?
Track Name: Wednesday Night Mic Isn't Always On Time
It's not in the way you don’t call me
It's not in the way you fuckin stare
It's not in the way you've been treating my friends
It's not in the way that you stayed till the end
It's not in the way you joke and the things that you say stink like poop

Wednesday night, mic isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Wednesday niiiight, mic isn't always on time, oh oh oh

It's not in the words that you joke mean girl
It's not in the way you say you're funny, ooh
It's not in the way that you came back to mics
It's not in the way that your jokes don’t get likes
It's not in the way you joke and the things that you say stink like poop
Wednesday niiight, mic isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Wednesday niiiiiight, mic isn't always on time, oh oh oh

It's not in the words that you joke mean girl
It's not in the way you say you're funny, ooh
It's not in the way that you came back to mics
It's not in the way that your jokes don’t get likes
It's not in the way you joke and the things that you say stink like poop

Wednesday night, mic isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Wednesday night, mic isn't always on time (Mic isn't always on time)

Wednesday night, mic isn't always on time
(Mic isn't always, Mic isn't always on time)
Wednesday night, mic isn't always on time, mic isn't always on time
Mic isn't always on time, mic isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Track Name: He Just Rigged The Bucket
He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

You love to laugh
I loves to sing
I do everything
we love to lose
we love the booze
we loves to fuck some things

Ooh, all night, all night
Oh, every night
So hold tight, hold tight
Ooh baby, hold tight

Oh, the host just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket
He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

I was alone
I never knew
What good hosts could do
Ooh, then he fucked us
Then we wait
until his friends all leave

Ooh, all night, all night
Oh, every night
So hold tight, hold tight
Ooh baby, hold tight

The host just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket
The host just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He said ohh, hold on, hold on, hold on
The host just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket


He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
He just rigged the bucket

He just rigged the bucket
Thinks you didn’t see it
Track Name: My Name Hasn't Gotten Called All Night
You show us everything you've got
You keep on waiting and the room gets hot
And you start to whine, just like a baby
And you say you want a 7 to 10,
But it’s a bucket mic and you can’t win.
You’ll wait a while, it’ll drive you crazy

You keep on doubtin', you keep on doubtin'

My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8 
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8 

You keep on saying I’ll be next for a while
I’m getting antsy like a fuckin child,
I’m starting to whine just like a baby…
And you show us everything you've got
Baby, baby we think you suck
You’ll wait a while, it’ll drive you crazy

You keep on doubtin', you keep on doubtin'

My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8 

You keep on doubtin', you keep on doubtin'

My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
My name hasn’t gotten called all night - And I’ve been here since 8
Track Name: Don't Fucking Talk
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)

TURN IT DOWN I SAY,
WELL ALL I GOT TO SAY TO YOU IS TIME AND TIME AGAIN I SAY, “YO!"
YO! YO, YO, YO, YO, YO!
I’m on the fuckin stage
WELL, ALL I GOT TO SAY TO YOU WHEN I am on the stage,
I SAY, “YO!"
YO! YO, YO, YO, YO, YO!
SO, IF YOU ASK ME WHY I’M GETTIN ANGRY
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I CAN SAY TO YOU

DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)

THERE'S A FEELIN' THAT
I GET FROM NOTHIN' ELSE AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' IN THE WORLD
THAT MAKES ME GO!
GO! GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
Yo shut the fuck up
I'VE WAITED FOR SO LONG SO I COULD Get onto the stage,
I say Yo!
YO! YO, YO, YO, YO, YO!
It’s disrespectful when I hear you talking THROUGH ME
THERE'S NOTHIN' ELSE THAT I HATE MORE THAN YOU

DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)

DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK

DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK! (TALK)

DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
TALK (TALK)
DON’T FUCKIN TALK